CAN WE GO ON AN ADVENTURE, PLEASE?

Alli says to me, "I cant even remember the last time we went on a hike, can we go PLEASE!!"  How awesome is that?  So Sunday afternoon, Shane is watching football with my dad and the girls and I (and Hazel) head off to the river.  I brought a BOOK to read.   The girls played at the river for 3 hours and I read a BOOK!   It still feels like a dream that we are done with Vision Therapy and we have our old carefree lives back. 

Part of me thinks it would have been better to have gone slower and not been so CRAZY these last 5 months - doing VT at 3 times the rate we needed to.  At the same time, I am so happy we are done and that Alli and I are able to actually ENJOY our reading and writing lessons now.   But,  I am having to deal with a lot of repressed emotions about what my inner life has been like for the last 2 years.

Last Thursday I went to my favorite yoga class for the first time since finding out Alli's RESULTS.  The first 5 - 10 minutes is always a calm, centering time.  Close your eyes, look inward, and create a mantra to focus on during the hour.  Within 60 seconds I was crying.  I could not stop.  

My mind during these first 10 minutes of yoga, for the last 2 years, was ALWAYS focused on WHAT I needed to be doing to help Alli more, HOW was I going to get her to read, WHY was everything so hard for her.  

Then after we began Vision Therapy I often spent these first 10 minutes wondering.....Would it be worth all the MONEY? Would it be worth all this TIME?  WHAT IF IT DIDNT CHANGE ANYTHING??? 

Thursday, however, I did not have to worry anymore.  I could not hold back my tears and I had to get up and leave the room.  After a good strong cry in the bathroom, I returned to class and was fine until the last 10 minutes....again, a time where my mind wanders.  I started thinking back to earlier in the day when Alli was working on a spelling activity and she wrote all 18 words correctly. Once again, my tears could not be held back.

I guess I have not dealt with how emotional this has been for me.  I need more adventures like today.  Nature works wonders!!