And then said that he did not QUITE believe that this was true so him and his daughter did a similar experiment (but with apples and bread) for the Chico Science Fair. If you did not watch the video, here is the idea in a nutshell.
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Take 3 food items with high water content place them in separate containers and perform a certain task with each one every day. Say, "THANK YOU" to the first, say "I HATE YOU" to the second and completely IGNORE the third. The outcome for the RICE and the APPLES was exactly the same:
The one told "THANK YOU" was somewhat rotten, but not gross at all. The one told "I HATE YOU or YOU IDIOT" was much more rotten and very gross. The one IGNORED was completely and totally rotten, beyond recognition of what it started as. The idea behind this being connected to humans and parenting is that our bodies are nearly 70% water and that the cells of our body can be affected by what we are told. The old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." is actually VERY WRONG!
This experiment also supports the idea that there is a REASON why children choose to misbehave. If they cannot get attention in a POSITIVE way, then they will get attention in a NEGATIVE way because it is better than being completely IGNORED!
The girls and I started this experiment for ourselves one week ago. I took an apple and cut it into 3 equal pieces and placed them into 3 glass mason jars with the lids screwed on tight. This is what we say to each one:
- I love you, pretty apple.
- I HATE you, stupid apple.
- The third apple is put up on a shelf nearby and completely ignored.
(I have taken the lids off to take the pictures.)
First, I knew that the IGNORED apple would deteriorate faster, but the rate at which it is rotting is CRAZY compared to the other two. We could still eat the other two if we really had to.....but the ignored apple is covered in mold.
The second thing that I was originally surprised by was the fact that the HATE apple almost looks slightly better than the LOVE apple. Look at the pictures and tell me what you think:
HATE:
But, I came to a conclusion that makes sense to me. I don't know if the science behind my thinking is RIGHT, but it is in line with what I am learning about in Nurtured Heart Parenting.
and LOVE
When was the last time you talked to your kid for 10 minutes about how wonderful they are and all the things they do so great and how thankful you are that they made the bed and were polite to the old lady down the street...and even if you DID talk to your kid about all this wonderful stuff, how much energy would that use? Also, think about how your child would talk to himself after having many conversation with you about how wonderful a kid they are. What kinds of words would he/she use to describe himself (or you)?
Now, think about the last time you were trying to get ready to leave the house and needed your kids to be dressed, shoes on, breakfast eaten, teeth and hair brushed, lunch packed, homework in their backpack, etc..... How much energy do you feel like that uses???? And more importantly, how does your child feel about him/herself? What kind of words will he/she use to describe himself (or you!) after many interactions like this?
So this is my conclusion: The HATE apple might be getting negative energy, but it is getting more energy than the LOVE apple right now. It is the equivalent to the child who KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt that when she/he gets into trouble, that is when they are going to get the biggest energy payoff from mom/dad/babysitter/teacher. They may not feel good about themselves inside, but they sure get a lot of attention. I am interested to see what happens after more time for these two apples. In the other experiments, the HATE apple ends up much more like the ignored apple. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.
Edited (April 26th) - I had to start this experiment over for two reasons...First, we left for 10 days about 2 weeks into the experiment and Second, after I opened the jars to take the pictures they rotted exponentially faster......so I am starting over with mason jars I can see through so I dont have to take the lid off, and we are not leaving for a trip for 6 weeks!
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NURTURED HEART APPROACH....